What does the Bible say about engagement?

Preparing for a godly union

By Shawn Buckles

See how the Bible views engagement, highlighting it as a time for love, unity, and preparation for marriage. It's a step to align relationships with faith, building a foundation to honor God together.

The Bible doesn't specifically address engagement in the modern sense of a formal pre-marital agreement, but it values commitment and purity within relationships. It emphasizes the importance of faithful, loving partnerships that honor God, leading to marriage.

When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow.
Ecclesiastes 5:4
So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.
Genesis 29:20
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:1-2

Summary

  • Engagement is a Biblically recognized period of commitment and preparation for marriage.
  • The Bible's teachings on engagement emphasize love, devotion, and a move towards unity.
  • Scripture offers guidance for engaged couples to navigate their relationship with spiritual values.

Bible mentions engagement in the following books:

  • Before You Say "I Do"®: A Marriage Preparation Guide for Couples (1997) by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts: This book is a comprehensive guide for couples considering marriage, covering crucial topics such as communication, conflict resolution, finances, and spiritual beliefs. It encourages couples to explore their relationship deeply and align their engagement and future marriage with biblical principles.

  • Preparing for Marriage: Discover God's Plan for a Lifetime of Love (2010) by Dennis Rainey (Editor): Developed by the team at FamilyLife, this workbook helps couples to set a solid foundation for their marriage. It includes biblical wisdom on topics such as the purpose of marriage, roles and responsibilities, and sexual intimacy, making it an essential resource for engaged Christian couples.

  • The Sacred Search: What If It's Not about Who You Marry, But Why? (2013) by Gary Thomas: While focusing on the search for a spouse, this book offers profound insights relevant to engaged couples. Thomas challenges readers to think beyond finding "the one" and to consider the purpose of marriage from a Christian perspective, encouraging engagement to be a period of discerning and confirming that purpose.

  • Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married (2010) by Gary Chapman: Written by the author of "The 5 Love Languages," this book provides practical advice for couples in the engagement phase. Chapman shares wisdom on how to deal with differences, communicate effectively, and prepare for potential challenges in marriage, all from a Christian viewpoint.

  • 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged (2004) by H. Norman Wright: Another valuable resource by Wright, this book encourages deep conversation and introspection among couples considering engagement. It covers a wide range of topics, including personal beliefs, future plans, family dynamics, and spiritual life, guiding couples to build a strong, Christ-centered relationship.

  • Getting Ready for Marriage: A Practical Road Map for Your Journey Together (2015) by Jim Burns and Doug Fields: This guidebook helps couples navigate the journey from engagement to marriage. It addresses common challenges and questions, offering biblical advice on how to build a healthy, lasting relationship that honors God.

Social and Relational Dynamics of Engagements

Engagements mark a significant transition from dating, where individuals deepen their commitment and pave the way for a lifetime union.

This period involves fostering a deeper connection, overcoming challenges together, and receiving communal support.

Engagement vs. Dating

Engagements are seen as a step beyond dating; they signify a promise and a steadfast journey toward marriage. Unlike casual dating, an engagement is grounded in a commitment to fidelity, where the couple agrees to work towards a future together.

2 Corinthians 11:2 speaks to the devotion expected in an engagement, as one is set apart for another, reflecting the purity and exclusivity of the relationship.

Building a Godly Relationship

A godly relationship during engagement is characterized by attributes such as unconditional love (1 John 4:7), mutual trust, and steadfast faith.

These couples endeavor to embody principles laid out in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, where love is patient, kind, and keeps no record of wrongs.

Patience and forgiveness are vital, as they lay a strong foundation for the marriage ahead.

Challenges and Conflict Resolution

Challenges are inevitable in any relationship, and the engagement period is no exception.

Effective conflict resolution hinges on maintaining trust and patience with one another, guided by the wisdom of Isaiah 43:4—a reminder of their immense value in God's eyes.

Amos 3:3 raises a question essential for conflict resolution: "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?"

Navigating through difficulties together solidifies the couple's unity.

Community and Church Support

Engagements thrive with the support of a community and the church. This fosters a sense of unity as the couple prepares for marriage.

In Matthew 28:19-20, the couple is encouraged to engage with their community. Here, they teach and support one another in love.

The church often provides premarital counseling and guidance. This helps couples understand the sanctity of their upcoming vows.

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