What do the Stoics say about crying?

Rational response to sorrow

By Shawn Buckles

Wondering how Stoicism deals with crying? It's not about suppressing emotions but understanding them. Stoics see emotions as chances to practice resilience, advocating for a thoughtful response to life's challenges rather than denial of feelings.

Stoics don't condemn crying but focus on controlling emotions with rational understanding. They accept natural responses, aiming for composure and perspective, seeing crying as part of the human experience but emphasizing reasoned emotional management.

I do not agree with those who recommend a stormy grief and who regard as effeminate the grief which is silent and gentle; rather, the one is cruel, the other human.
The Stoics
Be like the promontory against which the waves continually break, but it stands firm and tames the fury of the water around it."
The Stoics
It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
The Stoics

Summary

  • Stoicism advises understanding emotions rather than suppressing them.
  • Expressing emotions like crying is acceptable when done with awareness of their nature.
  • Stoic philosophy provides tools for maintaining composure in the face of emotional challenges.

Stoics mention crying in the following books:

  • Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (c. 161-180 AD): Marcus Aurelius, in his personal reflections, touches upon the human experiences of grief and loss, and the Stoic approach to handling these emotions. While not explicitly focusing on crying, he advocates for facing life's challenges with composure and seeing adversity as an opportunity for growth.

  • Letters from a Stoic by Seneca (c. 65 AD): Seneca discusses a range of emotions and the Stoic way to address them, including grief and sadness. He acknowledges the naturalness of crying in response to profound loss or pain but emphasizes the importance of returning to a state of equilibrium and not being overwhelmed by our emotions.

  • Enchiridion by Epictetus (c. 135 AD): Epictetus provides practical advice on dealing with emotional disturbances. He suggests that while emotions themselves are not within our direct control, our judgments and reactions to those emotions are. This perspective can be applied to understanding and managing the impulse to cry.

  • Discourses by Epictetus (c. 108 AD): In a more detailed exposition than the Enchiridion, Epictetus delves into the Stoic understanding of emotions, including those that may lead to crying. He emphasizes the role of perception in shaping our emotional responses and the importance of aligning our reactions with Stoic principles.

Historical Context

When exploring the Stoic perspective on emotional expression such as crying, understanding the background of Stoicism is crucial. This philosophy offers deep insights into managing emotions and grief.

Stoicism's Origin

Stoicism was founded around 300 BCE by Zeno of Citium. It emerged as a significant school of Hellenistic philosophy and thrived in Greece and then Rome. You'll find that Stoicism teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means to overcome destructive emotions.

Key Stoic Philosophers

Chrysippus and Cleanthes were successors to Zeno and played pivotal roles in the development of Stoic thought, helping to shape its doctrines on emotions. Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius are later Stoics whose writings you might find enlightening; they offer guidance on how to face life's adversities, including loss and grief. Cicero, though not a Stoic himself, provides valuable outsider perspectives on the philosophy which can further your understanding of Stoic practices regarding emotional expression.

Core Principles of Stoicism

Stoicism is centered on the development of personal virtue and understanding what is within your control. As a philosophy, it aims to equip you with the tools to lead a fulfilling and moral life, emphasizing rationality and self-discipline.

The Role of Virtue

In the Stoic philosophy, virtue is the very heart of a well-lived life. It's not just about being good; it’s about being the best version of yourself in every situation. Stoicism identifies virtue as the highest good and it is divided into the four cardinal virtues: wisdom, courage, temperance, and justice.

  • Wisdom involves the mastery of rational thought, allowing you to make clear decisions.
  • Courage gives you the strength to face life's challenges.
  • Temperance ensures moderation in all aspects of life.
  • Justice dictates that you treat others fairly and uphold societal and personal responsibilities.

These virtues guide you to live in harmony with your true nature and are essential for achieving personal excellence.

Nature of Control

A Stoic believes in focusing on what is within your control and accepting what is not. Stoicism teaches that the only true possessions you have control over are your will and your attitudes. This distinction is crucial in Stoic thought and is represented by the concept of indifferents.

  • Control: Matters of choice, like your beliefs, judgments, and actions.
  • Indifferents: External things you cannot truly control, such as fame, health, or wealth.

Practicing Stoicism helps you to distinguish between these and invest your energy wisely. It encourages you not only to respond to life’s difficulties with equanimity but also to treasure what's truly valuable: your ability to live virtuously.

Stoic Views on Emotions

The Stoics, a group of ancient philosophers, offer a distinct perspective on emotions. They emphasize how emotions can arise from our judgments and can, therefore, be managed through rational thinking.

Nature of Emotions

Stoics believe that your emotions don't surface out of nowhere; they stem from your judgments about the world around you. For instance, if you deem an event as bad, you might feel anger or fear. The Stoic approach encourages examining these judgments to ensure they align with reality and reason. This introspection enables you to understand that emotions are temporary; they should be acknowledged but not let to dominate your actions or well-being.

Positive and Negative Emotions

Positive emotions like love and gratitude are appreciated by Stoics, but they caution against becoming too attached to them or allowing them to dictate your decisions. On the flip side, negative emotions such as grief or anger are seen as stemming from a resistance to the natural flow of events. By accepting that some things are beyond your control, you can work towards maintaining a balanced state of mind, where happiness is rooted in an acceptance of life as it unfolds.

Crying and Tears in Stoic Philosophy

In Stoic philosophy, your emotional reactions, including crying, are not judged as strictly good or bad, but rather as responses that you have the power to manage. Let's explore how the Stoics viewed tears and what they believed about grieving and loss.

Stoic Stances on Tears

It might surprise you to know that Stoics, known for their advocacy of emotional regulation, did not universally condemn crying. Seneca, one of the more prominent Stoic philosophers, acknowledged that even though weeping in response to grief is natural, you have the capacity to control excessive sorrow. Tears can be a cathartic response to loss, but Stoicism teaches that with rational reflection, you can align yourself with the natural order of things and reduce your suffering. Stoicism values sympatheia, the interconnectedness of human beings, which suggests a room for compassion within a Stoic framework.

Grieving and Loss

Regarding grieving and loss, Stoicism offers a perspective that may help you weather the storms of emotional pain. Stoic philosophers emphasized embracing life's impermanence and focusing on what is within your control. By adopting this mindset, when you're faced with loss, you learn to accept it as part of the universal order, which can temper your suffering. Although you might feel grief, the Stoic approach is to strive for an understanding that allows you to regain your composure and continue to act in accordance with reason and virtue.

Stoicism and Handling Suffering

Stoicism offers you a way to embrace adversity with acceptance and courage. By aligning with Stoic principles, you can learn to see suffering and pain not just as misfortunes, but as opportunities to practice resilience and growth.

The Concept of Amor Fati

Amor fati, or love of fate, is a Stoic belief that suggests you should not only accept every situation that life throws at you but learn to love it. Embrace challenges as integral parts of your life's narrative, seeing them as necessary to your personal growth. It's about finding the good in the seemingly bad and facing adversity with a sense of endearment, recognizing that everything that occurs contributes to your character.

Stoic Resilience

Stoic resilience is about cultivating an inner strength that allows you to conquer suffering with reasoned action and self-control. The stoics advise you to meet pain with a sense of grace, viewing challenges as chances to prove your fortitude. By practicing stoicism, you develop the courage to confront suffering head-on, knowing that you have the capacity to endure and overcome it.

Emotional Intelligence in Stoicism

In Stoicism, emotional intelligence is about mastering your emotions through self-control and reason, aligning with the virtues of stoic philosophy. It's not about suppressing your feelings but managing them wisely.

Stoic Emotion Management

Self-awareness is pivotal in Stoicism; it involves understanding your emotions and how they affect your behavior. Stoics believe that emotions are natural, but how you respond to them is within your control. You learn to view emotions with detachment and reason, recognizing that it's not events that upset you, but your judgments about them. A key aspect of managing your emotions, then, is to exercise reason over impulsive reactions, cultivating a state of inner peace or apatheia.

Virtue, the highest good in Stoicism, is closely tied to emotion management. By practicing virtues such as courage, justice, wisdom, and moderation, you align your emotional responses with what is good for humanity as a whole. The aim is not to eliminate emotions but to retain only those informed by virtue and reason, thus living in harmony with your nature as a rational being.

Practical Stoic Exercises

Stoicism offers several exercises to enhance your emotional intelligence. Here are a couple:

  1. The View from Above: This practice involves envisioning your life from a high vantage point to gain perspective on its insignificance in the grand scheme. It can help in detaching from overwhelming emotions and focusing on what truly matters.

  2. Journaling: Reflecting on your daily experiences and emotional responses helps to build self-awareness and memory. By keeping track of your progress, you'll witness growth in managing emotions through stoic teachings.

By implementing these exercises, you can begin to see challenges not as misfortunes but as opportunities to practice virtue. Your emotional reactions become a matter of choice, and your path toward a stoic life—a journey of continual learning and self-improvement—becomes clearer.

Stoics on Love and Personal Relationships

The Stoics provide guidance on nurturing love while also preparing for the inevitable losses life brings. Their philosophy is a reminder to treasure your loved ones without possessing them.

Stoic Approach to Love

The Stoics believed in a balanced approach to love, where it's important to maintain self-control and rationality. They emphasized that true love is about wishing well for your loved ones and helping them become their best selves. That means sometimes showing tough love, which is not about being harsh but encouraging growth and strength, even when it's difficult. The idea is to love without attachment or neediness, recognizing that everyone has their path in life.

Dealing with Loss of Loved Ones

When it comes to the loss of a loved one, the Stoics offer solace. They teach that death is a natural part of life, and learning to accept and release the pain of loss is key to finding peace. Grieving is a personal process, but the Stoic practice is to remember the good times and appreciate the moments you shared, while understanding that the universe's nature is constant change.

Facing Life's Adversities

The Stoics offer practical guidance to help you navigate through tough times. They equip you with mental tools to face adversity with resilience and composure.

Stoic Practices for Adversity

1. Understand what is within your control: Recognize that many aspects of life are outside your control and focus your energy on what you can influence. This distinction is crucial in managing your response to adversity.

2. Reflect daily: Use journaling to reflect on your day, your reactions to events, and how you can handle similar situations better in the future. This practice encourages self-awareness and personal growth.

3. Prepare for challenges: Engage in premeditation of future evils, a practice where you visualize potential obstacles and mentally prepare for them, fostering an increased capacity for courage in the face of real-life challenges.

4. Practice indifference: Learn to see external events as neutral and not inherently good or bad, as it's your judgment that adds value to them. This helps prevent counterproductive emotional responses.

Stoic Attitude Toward Change

1. Embrace impermanence: Understand and accept that change is a part of life. Recognizing the temporary nature of your circumstances can help you maintain a balanced perspective during periods of upheaval.

2. Develop flexibility: Cultivate the ability to adapt to changing situations with agility. By remaining flexible, you can respond to adversity without being paralyzed by vulnerability.

3. Find strength in community: Lean on the support of others and offer your support in return. A sense of solidarity can be a powerful ally when navigating life's uncertainties.

Stoic Contributions to Modern Philosophy

Stoic philosophy continues to shape the way you approach life's challenges and practice mental wellness. Understanding its influence on modern thought and how it's applied today can offer valuable insights into managing emotions and personal development.

Influence on Modern Thought

Stoics have significantly impacted modern philosophy, particularly through their ideas about emotional resilience and the value of reason. Their philosophy emphasizes the importance of maintaining a sense of calm and equanimity in the face of life’s adversities. By focusing on what’s within your control and accepting what isn’t, you can cultivate a mindset that contributes to better mental health and temperance. In the realm of contemporary ethical debates, the Stoic principle of gratitude and acceptance of fate sparks discussions about how to lead a contented life.

Stoicism in Contemporary Life

In today’s world, you can apply Stoic principles to several aspects of contemporary life, particularly when it comes to personal health and wellbeing. Stoic philosophy teaches you to value self-control and to develop resilience against distress, which has been embraced in various forms of cognitive therapy. Moreover, aspects of Stoicism have found a place in modern self-help movements, promoting practices like mindfulness and the expression of gratitude for leading a fulfilled life. It invites you to find strength in hardships and see every obstacle as an opportunity for personal growth.

Handling Criticism and Insults

When faced with criticism or insults, Stoics recommend responding with composure and perspective. They believe one should assess any negative feedback and maintain emotional control, rejecting feelings such as anger or shame.

Stoic Responses to Derision

Look Beyond the Words: Stoicism teaches you to dispassionately analyze criticism and distinguish between constructive feedback and mere insult. When a perceived insult comes your way, it's advised to reflect on its validity without letting it disturb your inner peace. Stoics emphasize the importance of understanding the intention behind the words; for example, whether they are meant to help you improve or are simply said in spite. This approach aims to protect you from unnecessary distress and aid in personal growth.

Choose Your Reaction Wisely: It's essential to remember that your reaction is within your control. A Stoic response might involve seeing some truth in the criticism and using it for self-improvement while discarding any malice that it carries. You have the power to confront insults with a calm and reflective demeanor, keeping anger and defensiveness at bay.

Maintaining Equanimity in Conflict

Steady Your Emotions: Conflict often triggers strong emotions like fear or anger. Stoicism proposes that you maintain equanimity, steadying yourself in the face of adversity. This doesn't mean suppressing your emotions, but rather recognizing them and deciding on a rational course of action that aligns with your values.

Embrace a Positive Outlook: Transforming your perception of insults, and not taking them personally, can help in handling them effectively. Use unpleasant encounters as opportunities to practice patience and understanding, rather than as a cause for distress. Through this practice, you can fortify yourself against the negative impacts of judgment and disrespect. By adopting a Stoic approach, you foster resilience that helps you navigate conflicts with grace and wisdom.

Conclusion

Stoicism, a philosophy that values self-control and rational thinking, offers a unique perspective on emotional expression. As a stoic, you embrace wisdom and logic to cope with emotional pain. Your duty is not to suppress your feelings but to understand and manage them constructively.

The idea is not that you should never cry, but rather that you should not let your emotions control you. The Stoics believe in confronting grief with reason, accepting what cannot be changed, and moving forward. Allowing yourself to feel emotions, perhaps even cry, can be part of your process, as long as it's approached with a mindful attitude and an intention to heal.

Practicing stoicism doesn't mean being unfeeling or heartless. It means you're working towards a balance where your feelings do not overwhelm your ability to think clearly or act according to your principles. It’s about building resilience and finding calmness amidst life's challenges.

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