What does the Bible say about sexless marriage?

Navigating intimacy with faith

By Shawn Buckles

Christianity views sexual intimacy in marriage as crucial, urging couples to address any challenges with compassion. The faith offers guidance and support for navigating such issues together.

The Bible does not directly address the concept of a sexless marriage. However, it emphasizes the importance of sexual intimacy within marriage for mutual fulfillment and as a guard against temptation (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). Couples are advised not to deprive each other, except by mutual consent for a time, to focus on prayer.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer; then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church... Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:25-33

Summary

  • Sexual intimacy is seen as an important part of marriage in the Bible.
  • A lack of sex in marriage is a complex issue that Christianity seeks to address with compassion.
  • Faith communities provide support and guidance for couples experiencing a sexless marriage.

Bible mentions sexless marriage in the following books:

  • The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple's Guide (2003): Michele Weiner Davis provides insights and practical advice for couples struggling with mismatched sexual desires. This book delves into the emotional and physical aspects of a sexless marriage and offers strategies to reignite the spark.

  • Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2006): Esther Perel explores the paradoxical relationship between domesticity and sexual desire and offers an insightful analysis of how to sustain passion within a committed relationship, including navigating the challenges of a sexless marriage.

  • Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship (2009): Dr. David Schnarch discusses the concept of differentiated intimacy and how it affects sexual desire within marriage. This book offers a deep dive into developing a more fulfilling sexual and emotional relationship.

  • Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life (2015): Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., provides a research-based look at the mechanics of female sexuality and how understanding it can help address issues in sexless marriages. The book is inclusive and offers insights into improving sexual relationships through understanding the science of arousal and desire.

Biblical Perspective on Marriage

Marriage is a central theme in the Bible, depicted as a sacred covenant reflecting God's relationship with His people. The Bible offers specific insights into the nature of this union and the roles and responsibilities of husband and wife.

The Sacred Union

In the Bible, marriage is established by God as a sacred union. Genesis 2:24 states: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This verse highlights the profound union of male and female, forming a new, intimate relationship sanctioned by God. They are no longer two independent entities but are joined to function as one.

Roles and Responsibilities

The roles and responsibilities within a marriage are also outlined in biblical texts. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This represents the love and sacrifice expected within marriage, comparing a husband's love for his wife to the love of Christ for the church. Wives are called to respect their husbands, and together they fulfill their duties to each other and God, honoring the love and commitment at the core of their union.

Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

Sexual intimacy is seen within the Christian doctrine as a vital and sacred aspect of marriage. It is not only an act of physical connection but also a means of emotional and spiritual bonding between spouses.

Importance of Sexual Relations

Biblically, sexual relations are a cornerstone of the marital bond, highlighted by the idea of the "one-flesh relationship." In 1 Corinthians 7:2-4, the Apostle Paul emphasizes that husbands and wives should fulfill each other's sexual desires to avoid temptation. The "one flesh" union implies a deep, inseparable connection, making sexual intimacy a powerful symbol of unity within marriage.

The concept of burning with passion is addressed as well, indicating that marriage is the appropriate outlet for sexual desires and passion. This reflects the importance of sexuality in marriage and the significance of meeting each other's needs to maintain the health and strength of the marital bond.

Challenges and Healing

However, marriages do face challenges concerning sexual intimacy. When physical intimacy is lacking, it can cause tension and emotional distance. The Bible acknowledges this struggle and suggests a mutual decision for abstaining for a time for the purpose of prayer, as conveyed in 1 Corinthians 7:5. Importantly though, it is advised that couples should come together again so that Satan may not tempt them due to their lack of self-control.

In times of sexual difficulty, the healing process often involves open communication, understanding, and seeking spiritual counsel.

Proverbs 5:18-19 encourages rejoicing with one's spouse and finding joy and satisfaction within the marriage. Therefore, when navigated wisely, challenges in the sexual aspect of a marriage can lead not only to healing but also to a renewed sense of connection and intimacy.

1 Corinthians 7 on Marriage and Sexuality

1 Corinthians 7 offers detailed guidance on marriage and sexuality, addressing concerns of sexual immorality and emphasizing the importance of consent and self-control within the marital bond.

Guidance for Married Couples

In the text of 1 Corinthians 7, Paul speaks directly to married couples, advising them about love and marital duties. He mentions, "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" (1 Corinthians 7:4). This highlights mutual consent and responsibility towards each other, suggesting that couples should not deprive one another, except by agreement for a limited time, to devote themselves to prayer (1 Corinthians 7:5). This imparts a sense of equality and partner accountability in the marital relationship.

The issue of self-control is paramount in Corinthians. Paul acknowledges that each individual has different capacities for self-control and advises, "It is better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Corinthians 7:9). This suggests that marriage is a preferable context to exercise sexuality morally, advocating for marriage as a guardrail against sexual immorality.

Additionally, respect for one’s partner and the concept of not seeking one's own good, but the good of the other, is recurrent in these teachings. The essence of love in marriage, as portrayed here, is about putting the other’s needs in line with or even before one's own, while also advocating for a scenario where both submit to each other harmoniously.

Dealing with Sexless Marriages

In many relationships, a sexless marriage can lead to feelings of loneliness and frustration. Addressing these concerns requires a careful understanding of root causes and the pursuit of constructive solutions.

Understanding the Causes

A key step in managing a sexless marriage is to identify the underlying issues. Often, factors such as stress, health problems, or emotional distance can diminish intimacy. In some cases, one partner's refusal of intimacy might stem from feelings of neglect or a desire for control, which can be connected to deeper issues of communication and respect.

When seeking solutions, couples are encouraged to participate in counseling, which can foster communication and accountability. Forgiveness is also a crucial element toward healing; it can help partners overcome bitterness and hurt.

In navigating these challenging waters, turning towards faith-based principles such as those found in passages like 1 Corinthians 7:5 can provide guidance, emphasizing the importance of not withholding sex in a marriage unnecessarily.

The journey involves mutual efforts to re-establish intimacy and connection. With commitment, many couples find that they can revive their relationship and overcome the struggles associated with a sexless marriage.

Role of Faith and the Church

Within the context of a sexless marriage, faith and the church serve as essential pillars of support and guidance. They offer both community backing and spiritual counseling to help couples navigate their challenges.

Community Support

Christian marriage is not just a union between two individuals; it is also a covenant before God, which the church community witnesses and supports. The church acts as an ally in marriage, providing a network of support and fellowship.

Couples experiencing difficulties such as a sexless marriage can find solace and encouragement through prayer groups or church-sponsored events. In such gatherings, the shared values of faithfulness and commitment to marital vows are reaffirmed.

Spiritual Counseling

Seeking the help of a Christian counselor can be an invaluable step for couples in a sexless marriage. These counselors often integrate biblical principles with psychological insights, offering advice that is rooted in the teachings of Jesus.

The emphasis on spiritual well-being helps both partners to work through issues under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and scripture, which encourage open communication and renewed intimacy. Couples are often reminded of God’s design for marriage and the blessings that come from a union nurtured by prayer and mutual respect.

Moral Teachings and Considerations

The Bible provides guidance on how to navigate marital challenges, including those of a sexless marriage. These teachings emphasize the balance between sexual purity and the importance of intimacy within the marital commitment.

Sexual Purity and Temptations

Sexual purity is a foundational concept in biblical teachings. The apostle Paul advises in 1 Corinthians 7:2-3 that in order to avoid sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband, satisfying each other's sexual needs. This mutual fulfillment is viewed as a guard against sexual temptation, illustrating the way marital intimacy serves to strengthen the bond between spouses and prevent the lure of extramarital encounters.

Moreover, maintaining sexual purity also relates to thoughts and actions, steering clear of pornography and other forms of sexual immorality.

The Value of Commitment

Marital commitment in the Bible is not just a contract; it's a covenant that intertwines with the spiritual and emotional. The biblical narrative underscores that sex is not merely a physical act but one of profound relational significance, symbolizing the unity of two people as one flesh as described in Genesis 2:24.

In a sexless marriage, a lack of intimacy can lead to a hardness of heart, where emotional disconnect may occur. The scriptures advocate for commitment through advice such as found in 1 Corinthians 7:5, which instructs couples not to deprive each other except for mutually agreed upon times, implying that dedication to one another's needs is pivotal.

This commitment is essential for fostering a strong, resilient marital relationship capable of withstanding life's many challenges.

Practical Advice for Married Couples

In married life, maintaining a healthy sex life can be crucial for fostering intimacy and joy. This section aims to offer married couples concrete steps to deepen their connection and reignite the spark of romance through effective communication and keeping the flame alive.

Communication and Friendship

Communication is the bedrock of any strong marriage. It's important for couples to regularly engage in open and honest discussions about their needs and expectations in their sex life.

This fosters a deep sense of friendship and understanding. According to Focus on the Family, couples should strive to support each other both emotionally and physically, which can be achieved through consistent and caring dialogue.

Keeping the Flame Alive

Passion and romance can sometimes dwindle in marriage, but there are practical ways to reignite the flame.

Incorporating date nights, affectionate gestures, and new activities can stimulate excitement and anticipation. Crosswalk suggests that couples should not withhold sexual intimacy from one another, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a regular and fulfilling sex life.

Additionally, making time for intimacy, both physical and emotional, can enhance a couple's connection and bring back the joy that may have been lost.

Conclusion

In Christian doctrine, marriage is often seen as a reflection of the love and commitment between Christ and the Church. This makes emotional and physical intimacy significant within this bond.

A sexless marriage might raise concerns, challenging both partners to seek wisdom and resolution. One Corinthians 7:2-4 emphasizes the importance of meeting each other's needs. It implies that sexual relations are an essential aspect of the marital relationship.

Reconciliation and restoration are also important themes found in scripture, suggesting that couples in a sexless marriage should explore all avenues of help. "[Do not withhold sex from one another...]" - 1 Corinthians 7:5, provides a gentle reminder about mutual consent and the purposeful coming together of spouses.

In instances where one considers the gravity of a sexless marriage, it is paramount to reflect on God's intention for marriage. Seeking guidance through prayer and professional counseling can align with biblical principles, fostering a path to renewed intimacy and understanding.

The dialogue around a sexless marriage must be approached with compassion and empathy, recognizing that every marriage is unique. Couples are encouraged to communicate openly and seek God's guidance to navigate through their challenges together.

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