What does God say about living together before marriage?

Emphasizing purity and commitment

By Shawn Buckles

Thinking about living together before marriage? The Bible views marriage as a sacred covenant and suggests sexual relations should be reserved for within its bounds, highlighting the contrast between societal norms and scriptural teachings on commitment and fidelity.

The Bible, representing God's teachings, discourages living together before marriage, emphasizing sexual purity and marriage as a covenant before God (Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20). It encourages abstinence from sexual relations until marriage.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Hebrews 13:4
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Summary

  • Biblical teachings emphasize marriage as a sacred covenant.
  • Cohabitation before marriage is often discouraged in scriptural texts.
  • Cultural practices sometimes contrast with biblical guidance on relationships.

Bible mentions living together before marriage in the following books:

  • The Meaning of Marriage (2011) by Timothy Keller: This book delves into the Christian view of marriage as a divine covenant, emphasizing the importance of commitment and purity before entering into marriage.

  • Boundaries in Dating (2000) by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend: Offers practical advice for maintaining healthy boundaries and preserving sexual purity while dating, in line with biblical principles.

  • The Sacred Search (2013) by Gary Thomas: Focuses on what to look for in a marriage partner and how to pursue a relationship that honors God’s plan for marriage, including the importance of abstaining from cohabitation before marriage.

  • Before You Live Together (2009) by David Gudgel: Specifically addresses the concerns and questions about living together before marriage from a biblical perspective, providing guidance and alternatives that honor the concept of marriage as a sacred covenant.

Biblical Foundations of Marriage

The Bible establishes the significance of marriage right from the beginning, in the Book of Genesis. It outlines God's intentions for man and woman to form a lifelong union.

Genesis 2:24 and the Origin of Marriage

According to Genesis 2:24, marriage was instituted by God with the creation of man and woman. The verse states, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

This foundational scripture signifies that marriage is a divine union where man and woman are joined together to form a new, independent family unit.

The Role of Marriage in the Bible

In the Bible, marriage is considered a covenant not only between man and woman but also with God. It serves as a human reflection of God's commitment to His people.

The notions of partnership and unity in marriage are echoed in verses like Hebrews 13:4, where the marriage bed is to be kept pure. This exemplifies the exclusive nature of the relationship between husband and wife.

Being "one flesh" implies a deep bond that includes physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy, meant to be cherished and honored within the confines of marriage.

Spiritual Significance of Marriage

The spiritual significance of marriage in many religious traditions is profound. It's often seen as a divine covenant and a journey that intertwines love, commitment, and spiritual growth.

Covenant and Commitment

Marriage is fundamentally a covenant, a sacred promise between partners and God. This covenant is characterized by mutual commitment and an understanding that marriage is not merely a legal agreement but a spiritual bond that reflects God's fidelity.

The notion of marriage as a covenant can be likened to the biblical promises God made with His people. This emphasizes the seriousness and sanctity of this union.

Marriage as a Holy Union

Marriage is designed to be a holy union, set apart for a special purpose in the spiritual lives of the individuals involved. It's a domain where individuals can experience spiritual companionship and growth in a framework that honors God's design.

According to scriptural references, the sanctity of marriage is to be upheld, as it is an institution ordained by God.

Marriage Bed Kept Pure

The expectation to keep the marriage bed pure, as stated in Hebrews 13:4, reflects the belief that sexual intimacy is to be enjoyed and honored exclusively within the bounds of marriage.

This passage emphasizes the idea that marriage should be respected by all and that the marriage bed is to remain undefiled. The purity of the marriage bed symbolizes the sacred and exclusive nature of the relationship between married partners.

Scriptural View on Cohabitation

The Bible presents clear differences between marriage and cohabitation, emphasizing sexual purity and the multifaceted implications of a relationship outside of wedlock.

Differences Between Marriage and Living Together

Marriage is often depicted in the Bible as a sacred covenant ordained by God. It offers a unique framework where a relationship can progress in alignment with Christian values.

Ephesians 5:3, for instance, articulates the distinctive nature of marriage, commanding a level of holiness and honor not ascribed to cohabiting relationships.

Contrastingly, living together before marriage is not accorded the same spiritual significance and may lack the covenantal aspect that God intended for a marital union.

Sexual Purity and Cohabitation

Sexual purity is a core tenet in Christian doctrine, with 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 urging believers to abstain from fornication and control their own bodies in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like those who do not know God.

This directive indicates that cohabitation, often involving premarital sexual relations, could be at odds with God's instructions for sexual behavior.

Moreover, 1 Corinthians 6:18 explicitly instructs to "flee from sexual immorality," underscoring the potential for sin when living together outside the bounds of marriage.

Financial and Social Implications

While the Bible doesn't directly address the financial and social aspects of cohabitation, principles can be drawn from scripture regarding the broader implications of such arrangements.

As cohabitation might increase the temptation to engage in sexual relations, as indicated by the guidance of the Holy Spirit, it can potentially lead not only to spiritual consequences but also to societal and relational complexities.

For example, couples may experience a lack of community support or confront financial dilemmas absent the legal protections marriage provides.

Cultural vs. Biblical Views on Relationships

The discourse on cohabitation and premarital relationships is one where cultural trends and biblical directives converge, each shaping contemporary attitudes about love and commitment differently.

Pressure of Modern Society

Modern society often sees cohabiting as a step towards ensuring compatibility between partners, with many viewing it as practical and emotionally beneficial.

Pew Research findings imply that society's endorsement of living together before marriage has become more common. They note a decrease in the percentage of U.S. adults who are currently married from 58% in 1995 to 53% today.

This trend indicates a shift in cultural norms as cohabitation is increasingly viewed as an acceptable arrangement for testing mate compatibility.

Traditional Biblical Relationships

Conversely, the Bible presents a framework for relationships that emphasizes spiritual unity and moral commitment. It is often interpreted to advise against cohabitation, associating living together before marriage with sexual immorality.

For instance, in the context of traditional biblical relationships, Genesis 2:24 highlights the importance of a man leaving his father and mother and uniting with his wife. This arrangement precludes living together before marriage.

According to Christian doctrine, God's design for relationships embeds a moral compass that sets standards for how couples should engage prior to a marital vow.

This divine perspective emphasizes the sanctity of marriage and ordains it as the proper milieu for intimate partnership and growing together in spirit.

Effects of Premarital Cohabitation

Premarital cohabitation has been extensively studied to understand its effects on marriage quality and stability. This section delves into how cohabitation before marriage influences various aspects of life, including subsequent marriages, relationship stability, and broader family and societal dynamics.

Impact on Subsequent Marriage

Couples who choose to live together before marriage may experience different outcomes compared to those who don't.

There is a significant body of research suggesting that such cohabitation is linked to higher rates of divorce. Some scholars argue that living together might lead to weaker commitments later on.

It's posited that the practice could create a mindset where relationships are seen as more temporary. This could potentially increase the odds of separation when challenges arise.

Cohabitation and Relationship Stability

Cohabitation before tying the knot has also been associated with particular problems related to the stability of long-term relationships.

This form of living arrangement can sometimes result in lower levels of satisfaction and poorer communication skills in a committed relationship.

There are conflicting views, however, with some experts suggesting that the act of living together isn't a causative factor for instability. Instead, they propose that the characteristics or backgrounds of individuals who choose cohabitation might lead to instability.

Children, Family, and Society

The decision to cohabit can also have implications for children and family structure.

There is evidence to suggest that children who grow up in homes where the parents are cohabiting rather than married might witness more relationship transitions. This can be associated with emotional and behavioral issues.

Additionally, as noted by researchers Popenoe and Whitehead, cohabitation involving children might entail more uncertainty and tenuousness. This could be challenging for a cohesive family unit.

Societally, shifts toward more cohabitation and less marriage may affect broader dynamics and norms related to family and parenthood.

Navigating the journey of remaining pure before marriage comes with its own set of challenges and temptations. The Bible provides guidance on how to manage these struggles, emphasizing the necessity of controlling lust, maintaining purity, and the church's role in upholding these standards.

Controlling Lust and Passion

The Bible speaks clearly about the need to control lust and passion.

1 Corinthians 6:18 NIV instructs, "Flee from sexual immorality." It acknowledges that while attraction is natural, it is important for unmarried individuals to avoid giving in to sexual desires outside of marriage.

They are called to manage their passions, recognizing that yielding to temptation can lead to sexual sin.

The Importance of Purity

Purity is not just a physical status but a condition of the heart and mind.

Scriptures such as 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 ESV point out that God wills our sanctification: that we abstain from sexual immorality and control our own bodies in holiness and honor.

Purity is about guarding one's heart and being righteous in the eyes of God. It often requires a conscious decision to repent and seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

The Role of the Church in Maintaining Standards

The church plays a pivotal role as a witness and guiding light, encouraging its members to live up to biblical principles.

Through sermons, Bible studies, and personal mentorship, the church creates an environment that reminds believers to heed God’s word and fear Him.

By doing so, individuals are encouraged to walk in a way that is pleasing to God. They use the support of their community to flee from sexual immorality and uphold the sanctification process.

Guidance for Christian Couples

Christian couples seeking to align their relationships with their faith face important decisions about marriage and cohabitation. This section offers biblical guidance on these matters, ensuring they honor God in their choices.

Seeking Godly Counsel and Wisdom

For Christians, the decision to live together before marriage is one that should be approached with prayer and godly counsel.

It's encouraged to seek wisdom from trusted spiritual mentors and consult the Bible. In Thessalonians, it is advised to “test everything; hold fast what is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:21). This includes the decision to cohabitate, which should be tested against Scripture and Christian convictions.

Making the Decision to Marry

The decision to get married is significant in the Christian faith. Marriage is viewed as a covenant designed by God.

Genesis 2:24 underlines this, stating that a man shall “leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife.”

Therefore, when Christian couples consider marriage, they should do so with a commitment to honor God through their union. They should foster a relationship built on mutual respect, love, and the desire to grow together spiritually.

Living as Unmarried Christians

For Christian couples who are not married, it is important to live in a way that reflects their commitment to Christ. This entails avoiding sexual immorality, which the Bible includes under acts of adultery.

Couples are encouraged to control their own bodies in a way that is holy and honorable, not in the passion of lust (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).

Remaining pure and maintaining spiritual integrity becomes an act of worship and obedience to God while developing a relationship that aligns with their faith.

Concluding Thoughts

In the fabric of Christian belief, marriage is a sacred institution ordained by God.

Within the Bible, love and commitment weave together to form the tapestry of a conjugal relationship. It's suggested that marriage is designed to be a covenant reflective of God's grace.

For many Christians, the decision to cohabitate before marriage is viewed through the lens of various Bible verses that speak to the sanctity of the marital bond.

Grace and peace are at the core of a Christian's journey, which often encompasses a dialogue on premarital relationships.

Some biblical excerpts suggest that living together before marriage could be contradictory to the teachings that promote sexual purity.

1 Corinthians 7:9 advises, "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" — a cautionary perspective against premarital sex.

The soul is regarded as something to guard, and for many, the spiritual guidance found in the scriptures aims to heal and bless the path they walk, particularly regarding relationships.

Christians may seek counsel from passages like Hebrews 13:4, which states, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

Reflecting on these points, individuals navigate the decision on cohabitation with an awareness of the faith-based ideals surrounding marriage.

Each couple's choice is deeply personal, often prayerfully considered with an aspiration to align with their beliefs while fostering a bond rooted in love and mutual respect.

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