What does the Bible say about kissing and cuddling?

Discernment in affection

By Shawn Buckles

The Bible provides nuanced guidance on physical affection, from the "holy kiss" of Romans to the tender romance in Song of Solomon, urging discernment in their spiritual and moral context within relationships.

The Bible doesn't specifically address kissing and cuddling but emphasizes purity and self-control in relationships (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). It suggests these actions should honor God and respect the boundaries of a committed relationship.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
Ephesians 5:3
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Summary

  • The Bible provides varied contexts for kissing, from acts of love to betrayal.
  • Interpretations of physical affection are shaped by spiritual and moral guidelines.
  • Cultural understanding enhances the practical application for Christians today.

Bible mentions kissing and cuddling in the following books:

  • The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us (2011): By Sheril Kirshenbaum, this book explores the fascinating science behind one of humanity's fondest pastimes. Kirshenbaum delves into the history, biology, and significance of kissing in human relationships, offering insights into why we kiss and what it means for our emotional and physical well-being.

  • Touch: The Science of Hand, Heart, and Mind (2015): David J. Linden provides a captivating look at the science of touch, explaining how this sense affects our lives in myriad ways, from our development as infants to our capacity for intimacy and emotional connection with others, including the importance of cuddling and kissing.

  • Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become (2013): Barbara L. Fredrickson offers a new perspective on love, describing it as micro-moments of connection with others. She discusses the role of physical touch, including kissing and cuddling, in fostering these connections and enhancing our health and happiness.

  • The Art of Intimacy: The Space Between (2013): By Stacey D'Erasmo, this book examines the nuanced spaces of intimacy in human relationships, exploring how gestures of affection, including kissing and cuddling, contribute to the depth and complexity of intimate connections.

  • Affection: An Ethnography of Love and Intimacy (2020): By Monique Scheer, delves into the cultural and emotional landscapes of affection, exploring how practices of love, including physical expressions like cuddling and kissing, are shaped by societal norms and personal experiences.

Biblical Perspectives on Physical Affection

The Bible offers various instances and guidance on matters of physical affection, emphasizing its context and the intention behind it. This section explores what the Bible says about love, kissing, and cuddling, providing insights into the spiritual and ethical considerations involved.

Defining Love and Affection in the Bible

In the Bible, love is often shown to be more than just a feeling; it represents a commitment and a choice embodied through actions. Christian scripture refers to several types of love, including "agape" love, which is selfless and unconditional.

Physical affection within biblical writings can symbolize a range of sentiments from friendship to romantic love.

Biblical Instances of Kissing and Physical Touch

Instances of kissing and physical touch in the Bible vary greatly in their context.

For example, Genesis 29:13 recounts a familial affection when Laban kissed his relative Jacob. In the New Testament, Romans 16:16 and 1 Peter 5:14 mention the "holy kiss," which is an expression of brotherly love and greeting among believers, not a romantic gesture.

Understanding the Context of Biblical Affection

When the Bible addresses physical affection, it usually does so within the context of cultural norms and heartfelt sincerity.

The admonishment for a "holy kiss" is not about the physical act itself, but rather about the purity, peace, and sanctity of the gesture between early Christians. Therefore, understanding the underlying message behind physical displays of affection is vital in grasping their biblical significance.

Spiritual and Moral Implications

In exploring physical expressions of affection like kissing and cuddling, one must consider their alignment with Biblical teachings on sin and purity. Spiritual discernment is key when determining the appropriateness of these actions within a Christian context.

The Concept of Sin and Physical Contact

The Bible does not explicitly label kissing or cuddling as sin; however, it encourages believers to avoid any behaviors that may lead to sexual immorality.

"Flee from sexual immorality" (1 Corinthians 6:18) is a clear mandate, suggesting that Christians should steer clear of actions that might compromise their spiritual integrity.

Temptation and Maintaining Purity

Scripture advises Christians to 'avoid sexual immorality' as a part of their sanctification process (1 Thessalonians 4:3). This implies caution in physical interactions to prevent temptation from diluting one’s purity.

The conscious effort to maintain purity often means setting boundaries to guard against actions that could lead to sin.

Kissing and Cuddling in Relationships

When exploring physical expressions of affection in relationships, especially within a Christian context, it's important to consider biblical guidance. The concepts of boundaries, the meaning of a kiss, and the role of cuddling for emotional intimacy, each carry weight in discussions about relationships.

Before Marriage: Boundaries and Self-Control

In relationships, boundaries are essential, especially before marriage. The Bible advocates for self-control and purity, with Hebrews 13:4 emphasizing that marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.

While it does not specifically mention kissing, the principle underscores the importance of respecting limits to avoid potentially compromising situations that could lead to sexually immoral behavior.

The Significance of a Romantic Kiss

A romantic kiss, as expressed in relationships, holds significance as a symbol of deeper affection and mutual respect.

It's depicted variously in the Bible, ranging from a demonstration of love to greetings among believers. The Bible doesn't directly condemn kissing before marriage, but suggests that the motivation and context of the kiss are essential considerations for individuals guided by their faith.

Cuddling and Emotional Intimacy

Cuddling is often an expression of emotional intimacy that strengthens the bond between partners.

While the Bible doesn't directly address cuddling, it outlines the importance of love and respect within relationships.

Emotional intimacy can be a godly way to connect and support one another, within the bounds of a respectful and caring relationship. However, couples are advised to maintain self-control and ensure that physical closeness does not lead to actions that would be considered inappropriate according to their faith and personal convictions.

Cultural and Historical Considerations

When examining the significance of kissing and cuddling within Christianity, it is essential to understand the cultural and historical context in which these actions were referenced. The Bible's depiction of physical expressions of affection has been interpreted through various cultural lenses throughout history.

Cultural Views on Kissing and Cuddling

In biblical times, a "holy kiss" was a common form of greeting among believers, signifying fellowship and mutual respect. This non-romantic kiss is mentioned in several New Testament epistles, suggesting it was an established part of early Christian tradition (Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20).

In the story of Genesis 29:11, Jacob kisses Rachel as a gesture of kinship. Later, Ruth 1:14 describes a poignant moment of farewell between Ruth and Orpah, emphasizing the depth of their bond.

The Evolution of Social Norms in Christianity

Over the centuries, the interpretation and acceptance of public expressions of affection, like kissing and cuddling, have evolved within Christian communities.

Cultural norms dictate the propriety of such actions, which can vary dramatically from one society to another.

For instance, in some traditional cultures, public displays of affection are frowned upon, largely due to the emphasis on modesty and self-control.

In contemporary Christianity, interpretations of Song of Solomon 1:2—which speaks of kissing with the "kisses of [one's] mouth"—reflect varying degrees of comfort with expressions of romantic affection in a faith context, revealing the shifting social norms over time.

Practical Advice for Christians

In navigating physical expressions of affection like kissing and cuddling, Christians are often guided by a desire to honor God and adhere to biblical teachings. Developing a clear set of personal convictions and understanding healthy relationship dynamics can help sustain respect and purity in relationships.

Setting Personal Convictions and Boundaries

Christians are encouraged to set personal convictions and boundaries to stay within the framework of their faith.

The Bible itself does not specifically mention kissing or cuddling, but it does speak to principles of purity and self-control.

For instance, 1 Timothy 5:2 advises to treat younger women with absolute purity, akin to sisters. By setting clear boundaries, individuals can avoid situations that may cause them or others to stumble in their walk of faith.

Developing Healthier Relationship Dynamics

Within a Christian context, fostering relationships that reflect biblical values is essential.

Relationships should be characterized by love, honor, and the putting aside of selfish desires, as illustrated in Proverbs 27:6, which highlights the faithfulness and sometimes necessary wounds of a friend.

Avoiding premature physical intimacy can help in building a foundation based on emotional connection, mutual respect, and shared beliefs.

Respecting Each Other's Boundaries

Respect for each person's established boundaries is critical.

Christians believe that each person is made in the image of God and deserves to be treated with dignity.

By respecting one another's limits, individuals reflect God's love and care for each other. Consistently communicating and upholding these boundaries will contribute to the health and longevity of the relationship.

Conclusion

In exploring the topic of physical affection within Christian relationships, one discovers that the Bible doesn't explicitly address kissing or cuddling. Yet, the overlying principle inspiring Christians in their actions, including displays of affection, is to honor God with one's body and behavior.

Purity and holiness are emphasized as Christians are called to live out sexual purity, not only in actions but in heart and mind as well.

The scriptures advise believers to flee from sexual immorality and strive towards holiness. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 underscores this: "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality."

The decision to engage in kissing or cuddling should, therefore, be made with careful consideration of its impact on one's spiritual health and dedication to maintaining biblical principles.

Ensuring that such intimacy does not lead to actions that compromise one's commitment to sexual purity is crucial. This also involves considering the level of intimacy appropriate for the stage of the relationship and always being mindful of the values of purity and holiness that are deeply rooted in Christian faith.

Christians are encouraged to seek guidance through prayer, scripture, and the counsel of fellow believers when determining how to express physical affection in a way that is pleasing to God.

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