What does the Bible say about forgive and forget?

Healing through divine grace

By Shawn Buckles

Forgiveness in Christianity is vital, a divine gift and moral duty reflecting God's grace. It's about healing, community harmony, and freedom from bitterness.

The Bible encourages forgiveness but does not explicitly say "forgive and forget." Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." The concept of forgetting is more about not holding grudges or seeking revenge rather than literal forgetting.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:21-22
For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.
Hebrews 8:12
[Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13:5

Summary

  • Forgiveness is a central tenet of Christianity, reflecting divine grace.
  • The Bible encourages forgiveness as a process for personal and communal healing.
  • Extending forgiveness mirrors God's forgiving nature towards humanity.

Bible mentions forgive and forget in the following books:

  • The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness (1997): Simon Wiesenthal's book is a profound exploration of the moral questions involved in forgiveness. Stemming from Wiesenthal's experience in a concentration camp, the book includes responses from various thinkers about whether forgiveness is always possible or even desirable.

  • Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness (2002): Dr. Fred Luskin offers a detailed guide on the process of forgiveness, backed by research from his work at the Stanford Forgiveness Project. He addresses the health benefits of forgiveness and provides practical steps for moving beyond past hurts.

  • Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy (2007): By Donald B. Kraybill, Steven M. Nolt, and David L. Weaver-Zercher, this book examines the remarkable response of the Amish community to the 2006 Nickel Mines school shooting. It delves into the deeply held beliefs that enable the Amish to forgive genuinely and discusses the impact of such forgiveness on both the community and the wider public.

  • Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender (2014): Dr. David R. Hawkins discusses the mechanism of letting go as a means to achieve happiness and well-being. While not exclusively about forgiveness, the book addresses how releasing anger and grievances can lead to healing and transformation.

  • The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World (2014): Written by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu, this book outlines a clear and empowering guide for pursuing forgiveness, drawing on personal stories and offering a step-by-step approach to healing. It articulates how forgiveness can lead to understanding, healing, and peace.

Biblical Foundations of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a central theme in the Bible, deeply rooted in both the Old and New Testaments. It is often linked with compassion and mercy, and is considered fundamental to the relationship between God and humanity.

Old Testament Perspectives on Forgiveness

In the Old Testament, forgiveness is a divine act where God pardons sin. The prophets speak of God's readiness to forgive His people, emphasizing His compassion.

A profound example is Isaiah 43:25, where God declares, "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." This passage illustrates God's initiative in offering forgiveness for the restoration of His people.

Another key aspect of forgiveness in the Old Testament is the importance of repentance. Genuine sorrow for one's sins and the desire to turn away from wrongdoing are prerequisites for receiving God's mercy.

New Testament Teachings on Forgiveness

The New Testament sheds further light on forgiveness through the teachings and actions of Jesus Christ.

For Christians, Jesus Himself is the embodiment of forgiveness, notably through His sacrificial death, as highlighted in Matthew 26:28, "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."

Forgiveness is not only a divine gift but also a moral imperative for Jesus' followers.

In the Lord's Prayer, found in Matthew 6:9-13, disciples are taught to ask for God's forgiveness and are instructed to forgive others: "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."

Furthermore, Mark 11:25 stresses forgiving others so that one's own sins may be forgiven by God: "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

The Importance of Forgiving Others

Forgiving others is a fundamental concept in Christianity, emphasizing the need for letting go of resentment and seeking reconciliation. It reflects the nature of Christ Jesus and helps maintain harmony in relationships.

Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

In the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, Jesus conveys the importance of forgiving others through a story about mercy and judgment.

Found in Matthew 18:21-22, the parable begins with Peter asking Jesus how many times he must forgive someone who sins against him. Jesus's response, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times," underscores the boundless nature of forgiveness Christians are called to show.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Forgiveness paves the way for reconciliation, restoring broken relationships to a state of harmony.

It mirrors the forgiveness Christ Jesus offers humanity and removes barriers, allowing for a renewed connection.

However, it's important to distinguish between forgiveness and trust, recognizing that healing a relationship can be a gradual process requiring sincere effort from both parties.

Reconciliation may not always be possible, but the act of forgiving is beneficial for one's spiritual growth and mental health.

The Process of Forgiveness

The biblical perspective on forgiveness outlines a transformative journey from acknowledging wrongdoing to extending pardon, mirroring the divine example.

It involves both the person who has been harmed and the transgressor moving past feelings of anger and bitterness.

Recognizing Harm and Offense

In the process of forgiveness, it begins with the recognition of harm. Someone must acknowledge that they have been wronged or that they themselves have caused harm.

This may stir up feelings of anger or bitterness, yet these emotions are often the first step toward healing. It is through this recognition that the need for forgiveness comes to light.

Ephesians 4:32 (ESV) encourages believers to be compassionate and commands, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Repentance and Offering Forgiveness

Repentance plays a critical role in the forgiveness cycle. The offender must experience genuine remorse for their sins or offense and seek to make amends.

This step is the heart of Colossians 3:13 (NIV), which states, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Meanwhile, the one offering forgiveness strives to let go of resentment, thereby liberating both parties from the emotional burden of the past offense.

The act of forgiving is indeed a process -- ongoing and sometimes challenging, yet essential for personal and communal peace.

Forgiveness in the Lord's Prayer

The Lord's Prayer, central to Christian liturgy and life, places great emphasis on the concept of forgiveness. This prayer illustrates how integral the acts of forgiving and seeking forgiveness are to one's spiritual and communal well-being.

Asking for Forgiveness of Debts

In the Lord's Prayer, followers are taught to appeal to God for the forgiveness of debts.

Matthew 6:12 reads, "And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." This line acknowledges human fallibility and seeks divine mercy, while highlighting the continuous cycle of mercy expected among people.

Debts here are often understood as metaphorical, symbolizing the wrongs or sins one person commits against another.

The Relationship Between Forgiving and Being Forgiven

The Lord's Prayer also establishes a direct link between forgiving others and being forgiven by God.

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you," found in Matthew 6:14 elucidates this conditional aspect.

Moreover, Ephesians 4:31-32 broadens this concept by urging believers to "be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

In essence, the prayer reflects the reciprocity that is expected in the Christian life: to receive forgiveness, one must also be willing to forgive.

Forgive and Forget: Memory and Moving On

In addressing the imperative of forgiveness, the Bible intertwines memory with the act of moving on from wrongs committed by others. It articulates a framework for understanding forgiveness that moves beyond merely letting go of resentment.

Does the Bible Advocate 'Forgetting' Sins?

The phrase "forgive and forget" is not explicitly found in the Bible. Rather, scriptures suggest a divine form of forgetfulness, where God chooses not to recall our transgressions after we repent.

An impactful verse, Hebrews 8:12, refers to God’s mercy, stating, "For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more."

This indicates a deliberate omission of sins from memory, setting an example for human forgiveness - not in erasing memories, but in choosing not to dwell on the offences.

Bible Verses:

  • Hebrews 8:12: Demonstrates God's choice to forget sins.
  • Matthew 18:21-22: Jesus advises forgiving "seventy-seven times," emphasizing patience and repetitive forgiveness without specific mention of forgetting.

The Role of Trust and Patience in Forgiveness

Trust is intricately linked with forgiveness. The act of forgiveness does not instantly restore trust, but it opens the pathway for rebuilding it over time.

The Bible advocates for a patient approach to forgiveness, as seen in Matthew 18:21-22, where Jesus tells Peter to forgive not just seven times, but "seventy-seven times," suggesting infinite patience and kindness in the face of transgressions.

Application for Victims of Abuse: Victims of abuse are called to forgive as an act of kindness and self-healing, but the Bible does not mandate them to forget the abuse or remain in harmful situations.

Patience in this context does not imply enduring abuse, but the gradual process of healing from its scars.

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness in the biblical sense is often tied to deep aspects of physical and emotional wellness, as well as spiritual wholeness.

Through forgiveness, individuals can experience healing from past hurts and move towards redemption, freeing themselves from the malice and the root of bitterness that can disrupt their lives.

Physical and Emotional Health Benefits

Healing comes not just spiritually, but also physically and emotionally, when one practices forgiveness.

Studies have suggested that forgiveness can lead to better mental health, reduce stress, and even improve heart health.

A key verse from the Bible, Proverbs 17:22, says, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones," highlighting the connection between a forgiving heart and overall well-being.

Forgiving others helps individuals let go of negative emotions like anger and resentment, potentially lowering the risk of chronic disease.

Spiritual Restoration through Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a cornerstone in the Christian life and is instrumental in spiritual growth and restoration.

It's emphasized in verses such as James 5:15, which says, "and the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven," indicating that forgiveness is a pathway to healing.

Additionally, 1 Peter 4:8 notes that "above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

This guidance encourages believers to forgive as an act of love that not only has the power to heal relationships but also to renew one's spiritual connection with God, washing away malice and bitterness to embrace a life of redemption.

Practical Steps to Forgiving Others

Forgiving others is not just a moral decree; it is a process that requires deliberate effort and perseverance.

Although it can be challenging, embracing forgiveness offers peace and paves the way for healing. Exploring biblical wisdom offers guidance on this journey.

Implementing Forgiveness in Daily Life

Forgiving others can be practiced daily by embracing meekness and compassion, qualities the Bible holds in high esteem.

Luke 6:37 underscores this by advising individuals not to judge, but instead to forgive, promising that they too will be forgiven.

They can also reflect on Ephesians 1:7, which speaks of redemption through Christ’s blood and forgiveness of trespasses.

By regularly reminding themselves of this divine example of forgiveness, individuals can cultivate an attitude of forgiving others.

People can lessen anger and rage by deliberately replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations about the subject of their forgiveness.

They might consider the freedom that comes with forgiveness, as opposed to the bondage of holding onto resentments.

Prayers and Actions to Promote Forgiveness

Prayer serves as a powerful tool for fostering a forgiving heart. In Acts 2:38, repentance and baptism lead to the remission of sins. Asking for God's help to forgive can be linked to this verse, seeking a transformation of the heart. Here's a short prayer they might use:

"Heavenly Father, guide me to forgive as You have forgiven me. Grant me a heart of compassion and strip away my anger, as promised in Your Word."

Beyond prayer, actionable steps include performing acts of kindness towards those they seek to forgive. This practical expression of compassion can often break down barriers of unforgiveness. It can also be a personal application of the grace mentioned in Colossians 1:13-14, where it speaks of deliverance from darkness and the forgiveness of sins through Jesus Christ.

Moreover, Matthew 6:14-15 emphasizes the reciprocal nature of forgiveness: if they forgive others, their heavenly Father will also forgive them. Therefore, embracing and practicing forgiveness is not only directed outward but also affects their own spiritual well-being.

Responding to Sin and the Call to Forgive

In dealing with sin, the Bible emphasizes not only personal repentance but also the imperative to forgive others. This dual focus underscores a Christian’s journey toward spiritual healing and reconciliation.

God's Mercy and Our Responsibility to Forgive

The Christian faith holds that God is merciful, ready to forgive those who confess and forsake their sins. In 1 John 1:9, believers find assurance that "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." God's forgiveness becomes a model for human behavior. As recipients of unmerited mercy, individuals are called to extend forgiveness to others, as highlighted in Matthew 6:14: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

Turning away from vengeance is crucial. Romans 12:19 advises, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.” This passage encourages believers to leave judgment to God and to overcome evil with good. The act of forgiveness can be seen as both a reflection of divine love, exemplified by John 3:16, and an act of obedience to the teachings of Christ.

Coping with Serious Wrongs and the Limits of Forgiveness

Forgiveness does not imply ignoring the gravity of an offense or the pain it has caused. The Bible does not dismiss the seriousness of sin.

Even as one forgives, the journey toward forgiveness often requires a sincere process of repentance and seeking restoration. This means acknowledging the consequences of one's actions.

Luke 23:34 offers a profound example of this grace. Even while suffering on the cross, Jesus says, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

However, scripture also acknowledges human limitations and the depth of pain caused by wrongdoing. Forgiveness may be a gradual process, and for some, the scars remain vivid.

This realization does not negate the call to forgive but serves as a reminder of the complex nature of sin and its repercussions on relationships and the individual soul.

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