What does the Bible say about boyfriend and girlfriend?

Guiding principled relationships

By Shawn Buckles

The Bible, while silent on modern dating, guides Christians towards relationships marked by patience, kindness, and integrity. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8's portrayal of love offers a foundation for building connections that honor God.

The Bible doesn't directly mention boyfriend-girlfriend relationships as understood today but emphasizes principles of chastity, love, respect, and faithfulness in relationships. It advises against sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18) and promotes loving others as oneself (Mark 12:31), applicable in all relationships.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23

Summary

  • Scriptural wisdom addresses the nature of love and its role in relationships.
  • Christian relationships aim to reflect biblical values of faithfulness and integrity.
  • Scripture provides guidance for maintaining God-honoring romantic relationships.

Bible mentions boyfriend and girlfriend in the following books:

  • The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman (1992): Chapman's book explores the different ways people express and experience love, which can be crucial for understanding and nurturing a healthy relationship. While not exclusively about dating, its insights can be applied to boyfriend-girlfriend dynamics, emphasizing communication and empathy.

  • Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (2000): This book offers a Christian perspective on dating, emphasizing the importance of setting healthy boundaries. It discusses how respecting each other's limits can lead to a more loving and sustainable relationship.

  • Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control by Elisabeth Elliot (1984): Elliot shares her own love story with missionary Jim Elliot, focusing on the themes of love, purity, and patience. The book offers guidance on navigating romantic desires with faith and obedience to God.

  • Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age by Ben Stuart (2017): Stuart examines the romantic relationships journey, from singleness to marriage, through a biblical lens. He provides insights and advice on how to approach each stage with intentionality and faithfulness.

  • Choosing God's Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar (1998): Raunikar delves into the concept of "biblical dating," advocating for courtship as an alternative to dating. He discusses how aligning relationship practices with faith can lead to fulfilling and God-honoring partnerships.

Understanding Relationships Through a Biblical Lens

The Bible provides a framework for understanding relationships, placing love at the center. Scripture emphasizes that love should be patient, kind, and devoid of envy or pride.

"Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude," instructs 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, highlighting the virtues necessary for any relationship.

Relationships are also seen as a partnership where mutual respect and faith play pivotal roles.

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" (Mark 12:30), implies that one's relationship with God should inform and guide personal connections.

In the pursuit of a godly bond, the Bible advises men and women to seek qualities that reflect righteousness and holiness.

The idea is not just to find a partner but to find someone who shares a pure heart and self-control, elements essential for a relationship modeled after biblical principles.

The Bible does not explicitly discuss dating relationships, but it does provide principles for Christians to live by, such as peace, truth, and living in the light.

The church community encourages fellowship and sanctification as foundations for building relationships that honor God.

Finally, it's important for individuals to remember that while choosing to marry or engage in a partnership, one's life and body are temples that should be respected and cherished in a manner that is pleasing in God's sight.

The Nature of Romantic Relationships

Exploring the nature of romantic relationships through a biblical lens focuses on how dating, purity, and emotional connections align with Christian values.

These aspects shape the foundation of how individuals should engage in relationships with the opposite sex.

Dating and Courtship

In Christian faith, dating and courtship are seen as steps toward a lifelong commitment.

Dating should be driven by the intent to find a spouse, not simply to seek temporary companionship.

Christian websites highlight the importance of setting clear boundaries to avoid temptation and to maintain sexual purity before marriage.

The Concept of Purity

Purity is a foundational concept in Christian relationships.

It's not just about avoiding sexual immorality but also about guarding one's heart and desires.

As 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 advises, one must flee from sexual immorality to honor God with their body.

Sexuality in Relationships

Sexuality is a beautiful aspect of human connection designed by God but reserved for the marriage between a husband and a wife.

The Bible teaches that sexual activities should wait until after marriage, as in the union of one flesh mentioned in Genesis 2:24.

Handling Love and Emotions

The emotions that come with love and attraction must be navigated with wisdom.

Christians are urged to focus on the heart and true love above physical desires.

Love is patient and kind, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, underlining the importance of managing emotions with hope and joy.

Friendships and Dating

Friendships should ideally lay the groundwork for romantic relationships.

They are the realm where one can seek good qualities in a potential partner and develop a connection without the pressures of passion.

Equally yoked relationships, where both individuals share the same faith, are highly encouraged.

The Role of Faith in Relationships

Faith plays a pivotal role in shaping relationships, as it calls individuals to reflect Christ's love and to honor God.

2 Corinthians 6:14 warns against being unequally yoked with non-believers, emphasizing the necessity for shared beliefs and convictions.

The Purpose of Relationship

The purpose of a relationship, from a Christian perspective, is to bring joy, truth, and light into the lives of both individuals, ultimately leading them closer to God.

Romantic relationships should encourage both individuals to grow in their faith and love for the Lord.

The Outcome of Righteous Relationships

A godly relationship often leads to a blessed marriage, filled with mutual love and respect that mirrors the relationship between Christ and the church.

Proverbs 18:22 says that finding a wife is a good thing and receives favor from the Lord, thus highlighting the reward of seeking a righteous relationship.

Biblical Guidance for Romantic Relationships

The Bible provides clear direction for Christians in their romantic relationships, focusing on principles such as choosing a partner wisely, upholding marriage, maintaining sexual purity, and adhering to biblical values.

Choosing a Partner

In choosing a partner, the Bible emphasizes the importance of finding someone who shares a Christian's faith and values.

This concept is often referred to as being "equally yoked," originating from 2 Corinthians 6:14 which says, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers."

It suggests that believers should seek partners who can join them in a shared spiritual journey and uphold mutual faith commitments.

God's View on Marriage

The biblical view on marriage is one of honor and commitment.

Genesis 2:24 states, "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Marriage in the Bible is portrayed as a lasting bond between a man and a woman, consecrated by God. In this union, the husband and wife are expected to support each other, exemplifying love and respect.

Maintaining Sexual Purity

Sexual purity is a consistent theme within scripture concerning romantic relationships.

Verses such as 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, which implores, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor," clearly articulate the call to abstain from sexual relations outside of marriage.

Christians are encouraged to practice self-control and avoid situations that could lead to temptation.

Adhering to Biblical Principles in Relationships

Fostering a relationship that adheres to biblical principles involves more than abstaining from sin.

It also involves nurturing attributes such as love, truth, and a kind heart.

According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful...".

Christian couples are encouraged to uphold these virtues in their interactions, reflecting the Godly love that scripture commands.

The Bible includes various passages that provide guidance on relationships, emphasizing qualities like love, purity, and commitment.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 advises believers to "avoid sexual immorality," encouraging each person to control their own body in a way that is holy and honorable.

1 Corinthians 13, often referenced in the context of love and relationships, famously begins, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude."

This chapter is commonly used to illustrate the selfless and enduring nature of love, defining behaviors that support healthy relationships.

In Song of Solomon, the passionate and poetic language celebrates the romantic and physical love between a man and a woman.

For example, Song of Solomon 8:7 says, "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away." This metaphor conveys the strong, unyielding nature of love.

These passages, alongside others, shape a Biblical view that relationships should be loving, committed, and respectful, steering clear of behaviors that might harm oneself or others. They provide a template for relationships that promote emotional and spiritual well-being.

Challenges in Christian Dating

Dating within the Christian faith brings unique challenges, including striving to maintain purity and prioritizing one's relationship with God.

Overcoming these hurdles is vital to foster a godly relationship that adheres to biblical principles.

Dealing with Temptation

In Christian dating, the issue of temptation is often at the forefront.

Establishing physical boundaries is crucial, as sexual immorality can undermine one's holiness and spiritual growth. Scripture calls for self-control and fleeing from actions that lead to sin, highlighting the necessity for couples to support each other in maintaining purity.

Addressing Sin and Forgiveness

Recognizing sin, confessing it, and seeking forgiveness are pivotal steps in a Christian relationship.

Love within this context is about more than just affection; it's about following Christ's example of love, which includes forgiveness and grace.

Couples often find that acknowledging their wrongdoings to one another brings them closer as they rely on God's mercy for absolution.

Confronting External Pressures and Worldly Views

External pressures such as societal norms and worldly views can influence Christian couples away from biblical teachings.

In order to resist conforming, Christians must lean on their faith and the support of their church and family, reminding themselves that their standards for relationships are set by God's Word rather than by societal expectations.

Being Equally Yoked vs. Unequally Yoked

The Bible instructs Christians to be "equally yoked." This means both individuals should share a common faith and commitment to Christ.

This unity is essential to prevent the spiritual discord that can result from being unequally yoked with non-believers. A relationship aligned in faith sets a strong foundation for future growth in love and holiness.

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