What does the Bible say about arguing?

Prioritizing peace over conflict

By Shawn Buckles

Facing conflict? The Bible offers a roadmap: prioritize harmony and understanding. Remember, gentle words can defuse anger, steering us towards peace and humility.

The Bible advises against arguing, promoting peace and understanding instead. It teaches that arguing leads to quarrels and advises believers to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19). Proverbs 20:3 praises avoiding strife, emphasizing wisdom in staying calm.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
James 4:1
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.
2 Timothy 2:24-25
Therefore, putting away falsehood, speak the truth each one with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
Ephesians 4:25-26

Summary

  • The Bible cautions against harsh words that can escalate conflict.
  • Scriptures advocate for peaceful resolution and gentle responses.
  • There's guidance on distinguishing worthwhile discussions from fruitless disputes.

Bible mentions arguing in the following books:

  • Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (2003) by Marshall B. Rosenberg: This book presents a method of communication that fosters peace and mutual respect, emphasizing empathy and understanding over winning arguments.

  • Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High (2002) by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler: The authors offer techniques for navigating high-stakes conversations with positive outcomes, focusing on honesty and open dialogue.

  • The Argument Culture: Moving from Debate to Dialogue (1998) by Deborah Tannen: Tannen critiques the pervasive culture of adversarial dialogue in society and advocates for a shift towards more collaborative and constructive forms of discourse.

The Biblical Perspective on Conflict and Arguments

The Bible offers comprehensive guidance on how to manage conflicts and arguments. It emphasizes the importance of peace, understanding, and love.

Avoiding Quarrels and Embracing Peace

The Scriptures encourage believers to avoid quarrels, as seen in Titus 3:9, and to pursue peace among all (Romans 14:19). Living in harmony should be a priority over engaging in disputes.

Handling Disagreements with Kindness and Patience

When disagreements arise, the Bible instructs to handle them with a spirit of kindness and patience. This reflects the love and self-control that is part of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

The Role of Wisdom and Understanding

Wisdom and understanding are key in managing disputes, with Proverbs 13:10 associating wisdom with avoiding conflict. Good sense and sound judgment lead to more constructive conversations.

The Dangers of Wrath and Harsh Words

Proverbs 29:22 warns against the futility of wrath and anger, highlighting that harsh words can lead to ruin. A gentle response, instead, turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1).

Encouraging Gentle Speech and Avoiding Foolish Arguments

The Bible advises against foolish quarreling and irreverent babble, as mentioned in 2 Timothy 2:23-24. It promotes gentle speech and steering clear of meaningless disputes.

The Import of a Peaceful and Obedient Spirit

Believers are called to submit to God in all things, which includes maintaining a peaceful and obedient heart (Philippians 2:14). Joy and goodness should emanate from a spirit aligned with Christ.

Fostering Respect and Honor in Communication

In every conversation, respect and honor should be evident. The Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone and able to teach (2 Timothy 2:24).

Scriptural Examples of Resolving Conflicts

Biblical narratives often provide examples on resolving conflicts. They teach followers to be peaceable and merciful, and to engage in communication with sincerity and love.

Christian Attitudes Towards Arguing and Controversy

A Christian approach to controversies includes avoiding unnecessary arguments, fostering understanding, and opting for peace over discord (Titus 3:1-2).

Practical Advice for Avoiding Unnecessary Strife

The Bible's practical advice includes avoiding envy, jealousy, and strife, as these lead to disorder and every vile practice (James 3:16). Patience and understanding are essential in avoiding such conflicts.

Comparing Worldly and Biblical Approaches to Conflict

Worldly approaches to conflict often lead to polarization and division. In contrast, biblical guidance seeks reconciliation and unity, steering clear of disputes that lead to destruction.

The Impact of Pride and Humility in Arguments

Pride often fuels arguments, but humility leads to wisdom and is recommended for avoiding senseless quarrels (Proverbs 18:1-2). A humble attitude promotes peace and mutual respect.

Consequences of Arguing and How to Overlook Offenses

Frequent quarreling leads to damaging relationships, while overlooking an offense fosters love (Proverbs 19:11). It is better to forgive and maintain unity than to argue.

Instruction on How to Argue Righteously

When arguments are unavoidable, Christians are instructed to argue righteously and with love. They should keep the conversation respectful and centered on truth (1 Peter 3:15).

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